Changes are Coming
"It sucks getting older," she said as she put her weights down. "Your body starts changing on you. Not in good ways." It was her first day in the gym and there was sadness over not having the body she used to have.
"How old are you?"
"55.”
"When did you start to feel old and things changing?"
"When I turned 50."
"I am 48. I only have two years left."
"Enjoy it now. Changes are coming soon."
Changes are already coming. I see small small print better with readers and I have my mother and grandmother's varicose veins that I prayed would pass me by. This week I stopped myself from using a photo filter to smooth out the deepening crows feet and a friend was surprised that I have not hit menopause yet. I went to Walmart after the gym to get root coverup to hide the gray.
Some of the saddest Souls interviews have been with women who got older, lost their identity as mothers, or felt they lost their looks and became invisible to everyone but their closest friends. They feel no one sees them for themselves anymore. There has to be a better way to get older.
I know the changes are coming and I want an orientation or a weekend retreat in a cozy cabin with testimonies, wine, chocolate chip cookies, laughter and hugs from a team of compassionate women who have been through this and survived. I want them to pass out handbooks, the tools to get through this, and the number to call before I go into a crisis or start to panic. I want a calm voice always there to lovingly calm me down. This should be a role for my mother, but she has dementia and all she can tell me is I am going to be okay. I will take that. If she survived it, I will, too.
I have questions. How long does menopause last? What are the rules when the kids are gone? How bad is the lonely? What are the surprises my body is going to hit me with? Is there really an eye cream that gets rid of the wrinkles and laugh lines? Do men go through this? When can I stop wearing makeup?
Looking back, I needed this team of motherly advisors going into my 40's but I wanted to prove everything was "fine" and I was strong enough to figure things out on my own. Things were under control until they fell apart. I should have been honest with myself and realized I needed help.
I know life doesn't end at 50 and today's Souls interview was with a woman who survived breast cancer at age 74 and discovered a year later connection with people and bringing them together for open conversations is her calling. She refuses to give in to the pressure of aging and spent a year fulfilling her dreams list when she turned 50. That is the way to celebrate life. I know there are plenty of adventures and stories ahead and I will be thankful for every day of it, but I want advice from wise women about how to ease into 50 without falling on my face.
If you are approaching 40 and need advice or a hug and cookies, let me know. I have learned a lot of lessons the hard way.
